In January, I was diagnosed with severe ADHD and minimal anxiety, depression and paranoia. I wasn’t that surprised by these results of my psychological exam as I often experienced the symptoms of all of these diagnoses. Having since been diagnosed I decided to get on Adderall, a medication to treat ADHD. In February, Jennifer Tyler began sharing on Facebook about this missions trip to Guatemala, I responded expressing interests for future trips and she immediately responded with an invite to this trip! I have struggled with the spirit of fear and was unsure I could raise the money in time for the trip. Jen just kept posting and encouraging everyone to trust God to make the provision. I started my fundraiser and immediately supporters donated, I was totally excited. Then, the dry season came and donations were slow. I got nervous and expressed to my sister that I don’t think think I can do it. She responded, “Ciera you are going to Guatemala! You will touch every life you encounter even if I have to come up with your remaining balance. You just don’t go over there and decide you never coming back cause you wanna take care of orphans for the rest of your life!” Hahaha! Now, my sister is not a follower of Christ but in that moment I believe God used her to encourage me. So i continue to email friends and family and share my fundraiser on Facebook and the very last day to pay for this trip I was fully funded with extra money to spend! I couldn’t do anything but worship God for His faithfulness and showing me once again that He has my back.
Funds raised nothing else to worry about right!? WRONG! I had to buy necessities I realized I didn’t have which totaled another 80 something bucks! Man! Money makes me anxious (cause I don’t have enough of it that’s why lol). Purchased my necessities packed my bag, and got on that plane to the trip that would change my life and elevate me in my walk with Jesus.
Now, I am not very good in group settings so this made me anxious. But feeling everyone’s love and acceptance comforted my spirit and God used this amazing group of people to bless my life!
Now, typically when you hear about mission trips you think about serving on a specific project for a specific period of time. This trip was not like that at all! We didn’t have a specific project to complete that week, we were simply taught to follow Holy Spirit’s leading every where we went. We were taught to be intentional about our sharing the love of Jesus with others including our missions group.
Okay, let me explain a few things about my mental diagnoses, ADHD, according to WebMD, is “a chronic condition marked by persistent inattention, hyperactivity, and sometimes impulsiveness.” Basically, in order for me to function at my best I need consistency, structure, and order. Now, my medicine does great to keep me focus and organized but if I am on my meds and there is no structure or order I get anxious. This trip tried me mentally. LOL! See, I thrive off itineraries and set plans. Much of this trip was spontaneous and we didn’t get the schedule for the week. Nope, we got the game plan the night before and had to make decisions on whether or not we will participate on the spot. That just increased my anxiety. But, I wanted to hide my mental dilemmas so I tried to play cool and went with the flow. Once I let my guard down and allowed myself to be free and enjoy the experience the spontaneity didn’t bother me like it did at the beginning of the trip.
My turning point came when we went to the orphanage. We listened to Betty share the stories of the children there and it wrecked me. I just kept hearing God say to me, “C, I need you to denounce. This fear and anxiety, can’t you see there is a work to be done? I need you to carry out my will. I need you to be unbothered, unashamed, and fearless for my name’s sake!” He then took me to Luke 9:26, “If anyone is ashamed of me and my message, the Son of Man will be ashamed of that person when he returns in his glory and in the glory of the Father and the holy angels.” In that encounter with my Savior I knew I could not live in fear and heaviness. My eyes watered and I repented. I declared I will not allow the spirit of fear and heaviness to operate within me any longer. That day, I received my deliverance.
From that moment, I began hearing God clearer than ever before. My deliverance allowed me to follow the leading of the holy spirit without hesitation. It allowed me to be intentional as I shared the love of Jesus with everyone I encountered.
Later in the trip, I spent time with one of my mission team members, now sister-friend, Kellie. As we sat and talked about the trip the things of God, the Lord released me to open up to her about my concerns about returning home. She prayed with me, we worshipped laughed and declared that the rest of our trip we will speak nothing but the promises of God over our lives and the lives of everyone on our team. During our debriefing little did I know God would have me bare my soul to every else too. If you know me you would know that I am a very transparent person and will share my life’s ups and downs no matter how ugly with anyone. But that night, God taught me how to truly be vulnerable at the right time. See, my track record has proven I chose poorly when it came to who I should be vulnerable around. He gave me a safe place to bare my soul. My deepest worries and fears. In doing so, He showed me what His people should do when their sister in Christ is hurting and feels like no one understands her and supports her. In baring my soul He created room for my needs to be met physically and spiritually.
Hebrews 12:1 says, “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us.”
By the end of this experience, I dropped the dead weights of fear and anxiety and gained boldness, courage, strength, an ear sensitivity to the voice of God, and 16 amazing friends!
Mission Guatemala is complete! We’ve ran the race, and finished the course. I got off that plane and stepped on US soil ready to build the kingdom in my own backyard. In January, I declared this year Fearless15 and so it shall be!
My life will NOT be the same from this point forward! (photo by Kell)
